By Angelica Ribeiro, PhD

The other day, a friend shared she was frustrated with her dissertation progress, feeling stuck in her writing. I responded with empathy, saying, “I completely understand how you feel. What do you think you need to get unstuck?” I could relate to her emotions because I had experienced the same situation while working on my dissertation. However, I realized that I wasn’t as supportive of myself as I was of her. Instead of acknowledging my negative emotions, I forced myself to keep working. Looking back, I wish I had treated myself with the same compassion I offered my friend. Here’s how.

As Kristin Neff points out in her book Self-Compassion, we tend to show more compassion to others than to ourselves. She argues that we should practice self-compassion by embracing three key components:

• Mindfulness: Be aware of your thoughts and emotions.
• Common humanity: Remind yourself that pain, discomfort, and difficulty are part of the shared human experience.
• Self-kindness: Give yourself kindness and care.

Based on these components, Neff encourages us to keep a self-compassion journal. In addition to enhancing both mental and physical well-being, journaling can help us cultivate self-compassion.

Here’s how you can implement journaling to practice self-compassion as a writer:

1. Identify the issue: Write about the challenge, difficulty, or discomfort you are having in your writing.
2. Practice mindfulness: Write about how you feel regarding that issue (e.g., stressed, frustrated, or annoyed). Accept and be non-judgmental of your emotions. For example, you might write, “I feel frustrated because I wanted to be further along in this project. But I have a full-time job, and I am already writing as much as I can every day.”
3. Recognize common humanity: Write about how your experience connects to the broader human experience. For example, you may write, “I’m not the only one feeling this way. Many people experience frustration while working on their projects.” You can also explore potential causes of the issue. For instance, “I fell behind in my writing due to pain in my leg, which required doctor’s appointments, taking a big chunk of my time.”
4. Practice self-kindness: Write some gentle and understanding words of comfort. Let yourself know that you care, using a reassuring tone. For instance, you might write, “I am behind on this writing project, but it’s okay. I know I can catch up. The weekend is coming up, so I can dedicate more time to this project then. It’s not the end of the world. I can do this!”

Practicing self-compassion through journaling encourages you to treat yourself like a good friend and helps you navigate difficult moments in your writing. As Neff states, “self-compassion will keep you going, helping you move to a better place” (Neff, 2011, ch. 1, How Do You Typically React to Life Difficulties section, para. 6).

Reference

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself [Kindle version]. HarperCollins e-books.